Aim for Intimacy not Closeness by Nic Beets
A lot of people, including therapists, use the words “closeness” and “intimacy” as if they were interchangeable. It’s useful to separate their meanings out. "Closeness" is all warm and easy and comfortable and friendly. It’s the payoff for being in relationship – the fun stuff. In contrast, "intimacy" (“into-me-see”) is about knowing and being known “warts and all” – this is frequently the hard work part of relationship. Why is intimacy so often hard work? Well, you can’t have intimacy without vulnerability. So intimacy depends on interactions that are challenging, revealing, effortful and even scary. Closeness is about keeping things sweet so we can easily be in the same space. Intimacy needs to include learning about oneself growing and struggling with the less than ideal aspects of oneself and sharing…