Category: blogs

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines vulnerable as ‘capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage.' Understandably, many of us work hard to avoid feeling vulnerable. Why would you want to leave yourself open to being wounded or attacked? You will choose to make yourself vulnerable if you believe that the rewards are worth it. Emotional vulnerability is an essential part of intimacy and feeling truly loved. We all have ways we reflexively protect ourselves from emotional hurt. For example, you might be smiley and pleasing (so you don’t offer any threat), or you might be stony-faced and grumpy (so you look tough and dangerous). You are hiding your deeper thoughts, feelings and desires from view so that people can’t use them to manipulate or hurt you with…

Not all mountain climbers start from the same place Some people have to travel a long way just to get to the mountain Learning how to be the kind of person who can have a successful long-term intimate relationship is a big mountain to climb.  There are many ups and downs along the way and it requires bravery and persistence.   We face similar dangers - anyone can be swept off the mountain by some avalanche of external circumstances (illnesses, injuries, losses…).  And yet, although we all have to climb the same mountain, the journey is very different for us all. Some people come from wealthy mountain-climbing families.  They have athletic genetics and all the right gear. They start their journey being helicoptered in (by secure attachment and healthy differentiation in…

MAKING TIME FOR COUPLE TIME IS A GOOD IDEA Like a business or a garden or a vintage car, relationships need constant maintenance; frequent and consistent attending to. If you are not attending to your relationship by investing time and effort in it, you can't expect it to work well. Lots of people have got a handle on the notion that it’s important to schedule couple time into their busy lives.  Which is great.  If you’re a busy person and something is important to you, it needs to be in your diary. But we often find that couples don't talk about what the time is FOR. It can be useful to think about three key categories of communication that couples need to put time into: 1. PRAGMATICS AND LOGISTICS Coordinating…